In case you don't know, I'm an anime fan. Recently I saw the Mobile Suit Gundam movies. Not Gundam SEED, not Gundam Wing, but Gundam. The one that started the whole thing. Since Gundam is pretty retro-- the TV series dates back to 1979 --I'm going to be reviewing all three movies sometime in the future. There's a lot of info to soak up, so I'm going to watch them a few more times first.
Anyway, after I do that, I've got something else up my sleeve that is perhaps a bit more interesting. I'm going to take Gundam and Star Wars and see how they match up. Might seem like an unlikely comparison, but the parallels between them are not easily overlooked.
Stay tuned! I've got plenty of other nerdy stuff planned in the meantime.
21 October 2007
16 October 2007
Peanuts taste good.
I feel like rambling about random stuff instead of doing a full-fledged article-style post. I dunno if this experiment will be a success, but what the hell. I'm bored, okay? Cut me some slack.
Well, the first thing I'll mention is that I couldn't find the re-release of Poltergeist. Granted, I only looked at this crappy small-town Wal-Mart and not at my beloved Hastings like usual, but still. However, while browsing the DVD aisles hoping maybe a copy of it would magically appear, I came across something just as good: the Peanuts holiday specials box set. For 20 bucks. Which is the best price I've ever seen for it. (God bless you and your low, low prices, Wal-Mart.) Since I've been wanting to buy it for years, but could never justify shelling out the ridiculous amounts of cash most places were asking for it, I decided to put off Poltergeist for a couple of weeks and buy this gem instead.
So, having nothing to do today, I watched all three of the DVDs in the set. I'm actually pretty impressed with the releases, barebones as they are. You can hardly tell that the Christmas and Halloween specials are 40 years old. The picture and sound are quite nice.
Watching It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown was almost like a whole new experience. Apparently, all these years they've been editing stuff out of it, and I never even knew about it. There was at least five minutes' worth of stuff in there that I'd never seen before. I had it recorded back in the 80s, but I think parts of it were cut off due to editing out the commercials and stuff. So getting a big dose of nostalgia while at the same time seeing something new was a lot of fun.
Anyway, even though it cost me 20 of my precious dollars, I'm really glad I bought this, because I haven't seen these specials in years and I never manage to catch them on television. They come when you're not expecting them and are gone before you know what happened. Kinda like ninjas. Ninjas that drag around a blue security blanket.
Also, it just feels...wrong watching them on ABC as opposed to CBS. That's nerdy, I know, but I think we've established the fact that I'm one of the nerdiest people on the planet when it comes to retro crap. Admittedly, it felt a little weird watching them on DVD too, and the absence of the famous "CBS Special Presentation" logo is most certainly felt. Also missing is the logo for the local CBS affiliate and the little map of Oklahoma in the corner that showed weather warnings. If I could somehow score copies of these specials on VHS that included all that stuff plus commercial breaks, I think I could die happy.
Here's where I change topics by making a confession: I am a huge nerd. No really, I am. I collect old station IDs, bumpers, promos, commercials, eyecatches, and the like. I also collect some production logos-- those logos you see at the end of shows, like "DiC" and stuff. My videos folder has 142 files in it; 99% of them are this kind of stuff. I have station IDs from places I've never been to, some from before I was even born.
For those of you who may not be familiar with the term "station ID", I'll explain briefly. The FCC requires television stations to identify themselves at least once per hour, providing their call letters (KOCO, KFOR, etc) and city. In the 70s and 80s, there were a lot of independent TV stations that had their own identities: slogans, logos, jingles, and animations, which were incorporated into their station IDs.
I don't really know why I became so fascinated by them. Maybe because they're a lost art. Some older ones use a technique called slit-scan animation that fell out of use with the rise of CGI. It has major retro-cool factor. Some of them are great examples of early CGI, and when I look at them I think, "Wow, they could do this stuff back then?"
Or maybe it's because some of my earliest memories are of that kind of thing.
Now, I've always liked 80s stuff a whole lot, and I started getting nostalgic for my early childhood when I was still in high school. But then I kinda forgot about it for a while, until one day about two years ago, when I was puttering around on the internet and got linked to retrojunk.com. I was poking around in the videos section and came across something that had been stuck in the back of my mind since I was two years old: CBS's Saturday morning bumpers for the 1984-1985 season.
Watch them here. I command it!
When I saw those again, I got all emotional and watched the video about a zillion times while wondering how in the hell I managed to remember something so seemingly insignificant for so many years.
And that's what started this whole obsession with retro stuff. So now you know.
I actually have been planning to write about some of these IDs and logos that I hold so dear, and now that I've got my secret out in the open, it should be a lot easier to do so. Be on the lookout for it pretty soon.
Well, the first thing I'll mention is that I couldn't find the re-release of Poltergeist. Granted, I only looked at this crappy small-town Wal-Mart and not at my beloved Hastings like usual, but still. However, while browsing the DVD aisles hoping maybe a copy of it would magically appear, I came across something just as good: the Peanuts holiday specials box set. For 20 bucks. Which is the best price I've ever seen for it. (God bless you and your low, low prices, Wal-Mart.) Since I've been wanting to buy it for years, but could never justify shelling out the ridiculous amounts of cash most places were asking for it, I decided to put off Poltergeist for a couple of weeks and buy this gem instead.
So, having nothing to do today, I watched all three of the DVDs in the set. I'm actually pretty impressed with the releases, barebones as they are. You can hardly tell that the Christmas and Halloween specials are 40 years old. The picture and sound are quite nice.
Watching It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown was almost like a whole new experience. Apparently, all these years they've been editing stuff out of it, and I never even knew about it. There was at least five minutes' worth of stuff in there that I'd never seen before. I had it recorded back in the 80s, but I think parts of it were cut off due to editing out the commercials and stuff. So getting a big dose of nostalgia while at the same time seeing something new was a lot of fun.
Anyway, even though it cost me 20 of my precious dollars, I'm really glad I bought this, because I haven't seen these specials in years and I never manage to catch them on television. They come when you're not expecting them and are gone before you know what happened. Kinda like ninjas. Ninjas that drag around a blue security blanket.
Also, it just feels...wrong watching them on ABC as opposed to CBS. That's nerdy, I know, but I think we've established the fact that I'm one of the nerdiest people on the planet when it comes to retro crap. Admittedly, it felt a little weird watching them on DVD too, and the absence of the famous "CBS Special Presentation" logo is most certainly felt. Also missing is the logo for the local CBS affiliate and the little map of Oklahoma in the corner that showed weather warnings. If I could somehow score copies of these specials on VHS that included all that stuff plus commercial breaks, I think I could die happy.
Here's where I change topics by making a confession: I am a huge nerd. No really, I am. I collect old station IDs, bumpers, promos, commercials, eyecatches, and the like. I also collect some production logos-- those logos you see at the end of shows, like "DiC" and stuff. My videos folder has 142 files in it; 99% of them are this kind of stuff. I have station IDs from places I've never been to, some from before I was even born.
For those of you who may not be familiar with the term "station ID", I'll explain briefly. The FCC requires television stations to identify themselves at least once per hour, providing their call letters (KOCO, KFOR, etc) and city. In the 70s and 80s, there were a lot of independent TV stations that had their own identities: slogans, logos, jingles, and animations, which were incorporated into their station IDs.
I don't really know why I became so fascinated by them. Maybe because they're a lost art. Some older ones use a technique called slit-scan animation that fell out of use with the rise of CGI. It has major retro-cool factor. Some of them are great examples of early CGI, and when I look at them I think, "Wow, they could do this stuff back then?"
Or maybe it's because some of my earliest memories are of that kind of thing.
Now, I've always liked 80s stuff a whole lot, and I started getting nostalgic for my early childhood when I was still in high school. But then I kinda forgot about it for a while, until one day about two years ago, when I was puttering around on the internet and got linked to retrojunk.com. I was poking around in the videos section and came across something that had been stuck in the back of my mind since I was two years old: CBS's Saturday morning bumpers for the 1984-1985 season.
Watch them here. I command it!
When I saw those again, I got all emotional and watched the video about a zillion times while wondering how in the hell I managed to remember something so seemingly insignificant for so many years.
And that's what started this whole obsession with retro stuff. So now you know.
I actually have been planning to write about some of these IDs and logos that I hold so dear, and now that I've got my secret out in the open, it should be a lot easier to do so. Be on the lookout for it pretty soon.
10 October 2007
I'm heeeeere.
Well, it's been over a month since I last wrote anything, so I think it's about time to crack down and stop wasting my time. Because everybody knows that writing on the internet about pop culture of the past is serious business.
Anyway, I think it appropriate that I finally write about one of my favorite horror movies of the 80s and of all time. (Actually, it's one of the only horror movies I like and can take seriously, but that's beside the point.) Now's a great time to do so because not only is it Halloween season, but very recently, it saw a much-needed re-release on DVD to commemorate its 25th anniversary.
If you couldn't guess it from the above image, you've been living under a rock. I'm talking about Poltergeist, the movie that scared the living shit out of a whole generation of kids, including myself. I saw this movie when I was young and I'm telling you, it fucked me up. I had nightmares for nigh a month.
So how did I come to love a movie that I was terrified of? Because I forced myself to watch it in order to finally conquer that fear, and in doing so discovered that it's a brilliant piece of cinema, and chock full of retro stuff to boot. It did leave an impression on me, though: I'm terrified of snow or dead air on a television to this day.
Back in the 80s, Steven Spielberg really had it going on. In 1981, he and George Lucas brought us Raiders of the Lost Ark. In 1982, Poltergeist and ET were both on the big screen, and both would go on to become entrenched in popular culture. There's that whole debate over whether or not he actually directed Poltergeist instead of the accredited Tobe Hooper, but that doesn't matter-- whoever did it deserves a whole lot of props.
In my opinion, Poltergeist is probably the best haunted house movie ever for several reasons. One of them is that you can actually care about the Freeling family, something that doesn't happen very often in the horror genre. Usually the victims in a horror flick are drunk, horny teenagers, and you want them to get their just desserts in the most violent and bizarre way possible.
The movie starts off with the national anthem, shots of the American flag and the Iwo Jima statue-- Dad fell asleep watching TV and the station is signing off. The nerd in me has been trying to find out if that was a real signoff they used, or if it was just one they created for the film. I've had no luck.
Another unique touch about this opening scene is we are briefly introduced to the characters while they sleep as the family dog goes from room to room looking for something to munch on.
Five-year-old Carol Anne (Heather O'Rourke) awakens. She wanders down to the TV and promptly starts talking to it. Sounds like a silly game an imaginative child would play, but clearly there's something more to this. It's a great hook.
Then we catch a glimpse into an ordinary day with the family. Steve (Craig T. Nelson) is watching football with the guys and has a rather amusing (and technologically obsolete) conflict with his neighbor over their TVs. Most people would probably think, "Wait a second, this is a horror movie? There's nothing scary or creepy about a bunch of guys drinking beer and watching the game!" In my opinion, that's what's so great about it-- they use humor to lull you into a sense of security. Aspiring filmmakers take note.
Another thing I love so much about this movie is that they actually spend time establishing the characters before shit starts getting crazy, while at the same time setting up the plot. There's some great foreshadowing here, but I don't want to spoil anything. Let's just say that most people probably wouldn't catch any of it until a second viewing.
Also, I think this movie was made especially to scare children. The creepy tree outside the bedroom window, the ugly clown doll, the thunderstorm, asking Mom to leave the closet light on-- I think every kid went through that kind of stuff at bedtime. There's a nice father-son bonding moment when Steve teaches Robbie (Oliver Robbins) to count between the lightning and the thunder to see if the storm is moving away or getting closer.
However, Robbie and Carol Anne end up in bed with Mom and Dad anyway. Once again, the TV is left on. How they can sleep through all that static is beyond me. But little Carol Anne wakes up suddenly and crawls down to the TV set-- it's "talking" to her again, except something much creepier happens this time. This is the famous "they're heeeere" scene that I'm sure you've all seen parodied at least seventeen times.
After that, strange things start happening. One of my favorite scenes in the movie is when the mother, Diane (JoBeth Williams), pushes the chairs in at the kitchen table, goes away for just a few seconds, then goes back to see the chairs stacked on the table. It's unsettling and an effective way to build some suspense.
It doesn't take long for things to kick into high gear. That night, lightning starts striking again, but this ain't your everyday storm. Suddenly, the creepy dead tree isn't so dead anymore-- in fact, it wants to have Robbie for a midnight snack. Diane, Steve, and teenage daughter Dana (Dominique Dunne) go out to save Robbie from a very painful and bizarre death. How would you react if someone told you, "My son died when he got eaten by a demonic tree"? You'd think, well, people have strange ways of dealing with grief...
Anyway, all this is just a distraction. What the "TV people" really want is Carol Anne. So while everyone is occupied, Carol Anne's closet becomes a portal to another dimension and she gets sucked in.
Personally, I think it took a lot of balls to do something like this. Usually a child-- especially a cute little blonde girl --is the last character that would be harmed in a movie. Granted, Robbie is only mildly scuffed up after his encounter with the tree from Hell, but you know Carol Anne is in some serious trouble, even though it's all left up to the imagination.
In an interesting twist, it's Steve that starts falling apart and Diane remains relatively collected. Most people would have the mom go nuts and the dad be stoic.
Another one of my favorite things about this film is the late Beatrice Straight's performance as Dr. Lesh, who brings her colleagues Marty and Ryan to the Freeling home to investigate the disturbances. This woman deserved an Oscar for her work here. There's a fantastic scene where she's explaining some theories about the spiritual world to Robbie; I'm glued to the screen every time.
Pretty soon, lots of weird paranormal shit is going on. I'm surprised by how well the effects hold up. Well, except for one scene. Yeah, you probably already know what I'm going to say, but shut up and listen anyway.
The spirits decide to seriously fuck with Marty's head. There's a crawling, maggoty steak-- which is a cool effect, not to mention a weak spot of mine they capitalized on pretty well. Maggots give me a wicked case of the jibblies.
But then...he hallucinates clawing his own face off. All the way down to the bone. Probably sounds scary and cool to some of you, and it might have been in 1982, but it looks cheesy now and I actually think it's pretty unnecessary in the first place. I mean, for God's sake, this movie is rated PG. Only in the 80s could you rip a guy's face off and still get a PG rating. But I guess they felt that since this is a horror movie, they needed some blood. Or something. That's one of two gripes I have with the film, the other of which I'll get to in due time.
Realizing that this is way out of her league, Dr. Lesh goes to seek outside help. While she's gone, Steve's boss, Mr. Teague, comes over to check on things, since Steve hasn't been going to work. Here's where we find out that Mr. Teague is a son of a-- I mean, here's where we find out the ghostly history of the housing addition where they live.
The Freeling's help comes from a little lady named Tangina Barrons (Zelda Rubinstein). Don't judge her by her small size-- this woman is pure concentrated psychic. I don't know about anybody else, but when I was a child, this character was one of the scariest parts of the movie to me. However, I think she's kind of fascinating now. Maybe that's just the captivating performance by Zelda Rubinstein, though.
Tangina's got a plan which they soon put into action. A little earlier in the movie, Robbie theorized that they could tie a rope around him and he could go in and get Carol Anne back. Well, they took that to heart. Diane goes through the closet portal with a rope tied around her waist, and manages to get her baby back. Tangina delivers another line that would become famous, and it seems like all is well.
However, Steve decides that now would be a good time to pack their shit and get out, and that's exactly what they do.
Here's my other gripe with the film: the ending. I don't understand why Steve left them in that house alone, nor do I understand why Diane decided to take a bath and leave the kids unsupervised. Maybe they were just really trusting and believed the house really was cleansed? I dunno, but I sure as hell wouldn't have stayed there.
I have mixed feelings about the false ending and subsequent climax-- it is scary and there are some cool shots and special effects. The scariest part of the movie is here: Robbie vs. that damn creepy-ass clown. I mean, look at that thing. Who the hell would buy that for their kid?! Also, I like this one shot of Diane running down what seems like an endless hallway to get her kids. Then there's the famous swimming pool scene. And don't forget the part where the whole house gets sucked into the spectral vortex.
I realize that it might not have packed as much of a punch if they hadn't done it this way, but it seems sort of tacked-on. Though I do love how the movie ends with Steve pushing the TV out of their hotel room and slamming the door; I thought that was a nice touch.
Another nice touch that I almost forgot to mention is the score. It's brilliant work from the late Jerry Goldsmith. At times it's beautiful and moving, and at times it's eerie and foreboding. It really adds something invaluable to the film, and it should have won an Oscar, but I think the honor went to John Williams that year for ET.
This movie has long deserved a better DVD release than it got, and you'd better believe that I'm buying the new one as soon as I get some money. I'll be sure to make a follow-up post once I do get it. Anyway, the old release works fine if you just want to watch the movie, and I scored my copy for around ten bucks, which I can't complain about. But the transfer is pretty grainy and there are no special features except for a theatrical trailer, which is ludicrous for something so high-profile.
How did such a gem get relegated to bargain bin status in the first place? Personally, I blame the sequels, which are widely regarded as total shit. I mean, the only way you can get Poltergeist III is if you buy II, so that's a red flag right there. I kinda wish they hadn't released those on DVD at all; maybe then people could forget they existed.
Also, I think the supposed "Poltergeist Curse" has tarnished the movie's reputation somewhat. As most of you know, Heather O'Rourke died at a tender age before filming wrapped on the third movie. Dominique Dunne was murdered shortly after the premiere of the first movie. You can read more about it on Wikipedia if you so desire. I just think it's people being overly superstitious, myself, even though the whole thing freaked me out as a child.
If you made it through this entire post, I love you.
Anyway, I think it appropriate that I finally write about one of my favorite horror movies of the 80s and of all time. (Actually, it's one of the only horror movies I like and can take seriously, but that's beside the point.) Now's a great time to do so because not only is it Halloween season, but very recently, it saw a much-needed re-release on DVD to commemorate its 25th anniversary.
If you couldn't guess it from the above image, you've been living under a rock. I'm talking about Poltergeist, the movie that scared the living shit out of a whole generation of kids, including myself. I saw this movie when I was young and I'm telling you, it fucked me up. I had nightmares for nigh a month.
So how did I come to love a movie that I was terrified of? Because I forced myself to watch it in order to finally conquer that fear, and in doing so discovered that it's a brilliant piece of cinema, and chock full of retro stuff to boot. It did leave an impression on me, though: I'm terrified of snow or dead air on a television to this day.
Back in the 80s, Steven Spielberg really had it going on. In 1981, he and George Lucas brought us Raiders of the Lost Ark. In 1982, Poltergeist and ET were both on the big screen, and both would go on to become entrenched in popular culture. There's that whole debate over whether or not he actually directed Poltergeist instead of the accredited Tobe Hooper, but that doesn't matter-- whoever did it deserves a whole lot of props.
In my opinion, Poltergeist is probably the best haunted house movie ever for several reasons. One of them is that you can actually care about the Freeling family, something that doesn't happen very often in the horror genre. Usually the victims in a horror flick are drunk, horny teenagers, and you want them to get their just desserts in the most violent and bizarre way possible.
The movie starts off with the national anthem, shots of the American flag and the Iwo Jima statue-- Dad fell asleep watching TV and the station is signing off. The nerd in me has been trying to find out if that was a real signoff they used, or if it was just one they created for the film. I've had no luck.
Another unique touch about this opening scene is we are briefly introduced to the characters while they sleep as the family dog goes from room to room looking for something to munch on.
Five-year-old Carol Anne (Heather O'Rourke) awakens. She wanders down to the TV and promptly starts talking to it. Sounds like a silly game an imaginative child would play, but clearly there's something more to this. It's a great hook.
Then we catch a glimpse into an ordinary day with the family. Steve (Craig T. Nelson) is watching football with the guys and has a rather amusing (and technologically obsolete) conflict with his neighbor over their TVs. Most people would probably think, "Wait a second, this is a horror movie? There's nothing scary or creepy about a bunch of guys drinking beer and watching the game!" In my opinion, that's what's so great about it-- they use humor to lull you into a sense of security. Aspiring filmmakers take note.
Another thing I love so much about this movie is that they actually spend time establishing the characters before shit starts getting crazy, while at the same time setting up the plot. There's some great foreshadowing here, but I don't want to spoil anything. Let's just say that most people probably wouldn't catch any of it until a second viewing.
Also, I think this movie was made especially to scare children. The creepy tree outside the bedroom window, the ugly clown doll, the thunderstorm, asking Mom to leave the closet light on-- I think every kid went through that kind of stuff at bedtime. There's a nice father-son bonding moment when Steve teaches Robbie (Oliver Robbins) to count between the lightning and the thunder to see if the storm is moving away or getting closer.
However, Robbie and Carol Anne end up in bed with Mom and Dad anyway. Once again, the TV is left on. How they can sleep through all that static is beyond me. But little Carol Anne wakes up suddenly and crawls down to the TV set-- it's "talking" to her again, except something much creepier happens this time. This is the famous "they're heeeere" scene that I'm sure you've all seen parodied at least seventeen times.
After that, strange things start happening. One of my favorite scenes in the movie is when the mother, Diane (JoBeth Williams), pushes the chairs in at the kitchen table, goes away for just a few seconds, then goes back to see the chairs stacked on the table. It's unsettling and an effective way to build some suspense.
It doesn't take long for things to kick into high gear. That night, lightning starts striking again, but this ain't your everyday storm. Suddenly, the creepy dead tree isn't so dead anymore-- in fact, it wants to have Robbie for a midnight snack. Diane, Steve, and teenage daughter Dana (Dominique Dunne) go out to save Robbie from a very painful and bizarre death. How would you react if someone told you, "My son died when he got eaten by a demonic tree"? You'd think, well, people have strange ways of dealing with grief...
Anyway, all this is just a distraction. What the "TV people" really want is Carol Anne. So while everyone is occupied, Carol Anne's closet becomes a portal to another dimension and she gets sucked in.
Personally, I think it took a lot of balls to do something like this. Usually a child-- especially a cute little blonde girl --is the last character that would be harmed in a movie. Granted, Robbie is only mildly scuffed up after his encounter with the tree from Hell, but you know Carol Anne is in some serious trouble, even though it's all left up to the imagination.
In an interesting twist, it's Steve that starts falling apart and Diane remains relatively collected. Most people would have the mom go nuts and the dad be stoic.
Another one of my favorite things about this film is the late Beatrice Straight's performance as Dr. Lesh, who brings her colleagues Marty and Ryan to the Freeling home to investigate the disturbances. This woman deserved an Oscar for her work here. There's a fantastic scene where she's explaining some theories about the spiritual world to Robbie; I'm glued to the screen every time.
Pretty soon, lots of weird paranormal shit is going on. I'm surprised by how well the effects hold up. Well, except for one scene. Yeah, you probably already know what I'm going to say, but shut up and listen anyway.
The spirits decide to seriously fuck with Marty's head. There's a crawling, maggoty steak-- which is a cool effect, not to mention a weak spot of mine they capitalized on pretty well. Maggots give me a wicked case of the jibblies.
But then...he hallucinates clawing his own face off. All the way down to the bone. Probably sounds scary and cool to some of you, and it might have been in 1982, but it looks cheesy now and I actually think it's pretty unnecessary in the first place. I mean, for God's sake, this movie is rated PG. Only in the 80s could you rip a guy's face off and still get a PG rating. But I guess they felt that since this is a horror movie, they needed some blood. Or something. That's one of two gripes I have with the film, the other of which I'll get to in due time.
Realizing that this is way out of her league, Dr. Lesh goes to seek outside help. While she's gone, Steve's boss, Mr. Teague, comes over to check on things, since Steve hasn't been going to work. Here's where we find out that Mr. Teague is a son of a-- I mean, here's where we find out the ghostly history of the housing addition where they live.
The Freeling's help comes from a little lady named Tangina Barrons (Zelda Rubinstein). Don't judge her by her small size-- this woman is pure concentrated psychic. I don't know about anybody else, but when I was a child, this character was one of the scariest parts of the movie to me. However, I think she's kind of fascinating now. Maybe that's just the captivating performance by Zelda Rubinstein, though.
Tangina's got a plan which they soon put into action. A little earlier in the movie, Robbie theorized that they could tie a rope around him and he could go in and get Carol Anne back. Well, they took that to heart. Diane goes through the closet portal with a rope tied around her waist, and manages to get her baby back. Tangina delivers another line that would become famous, and it seems like all is well.
However, Steve decides that now would be a good time to pack their shit and get out, and that's exactly what they do.
Here's my other gripe with the film: the ending. I don't understand why Steve left them in that house alone, nor do I understand why Diane decided to take a bath and leave the kids unsupervised. Maybe they were just really trusting and believed the house really was cleansed? I dunno, but I sure as hell wouldn't have stayed there.
I have mixed feelings about the false ending and subsequent climax-- it is scary and there are some cool shots and special effects. The scariest part of the movie is here: Robbie vs. that damn creepy-ass clown. I mean, look at that thing. Who the hell would buy that for their kid?! Also, I like this one shot of Diane running down what seems like an endless hallway to get her kids. Then there's the famous swimming pool scene. And don't forget the part where the whole house gets sucked into the spectral vortex.
I realize that it might not have packed as much of a punch if they hadn't done it this way, but it seems sort of tacked-on. Though I do love how the movie ends with Steve pushing the TV out of their hotel room and slamming the door; I thought that was a nice touch.
Another nice touch that I almost forgot to mention is the score. It's brilliant work from the late Jerry Goldsmith. At times it's beautiful and moving, and at times it's eerie and foreboding. It really adds something invaluable to the film, and it should have won an Oscar, but I think the honor went to John Williams that year for ET.
This movie has long deserved a better DVD release than it got, and you'd better believe that I'm buying the new one as soon as I get some money. I'll be sure to make a follow-up post once I do get it. Anyway, the old release works fine if you just want to watch the movie, and I scored my copy for around ten bucks, which I can't complain about. But the transfer is pretty grainy and there are no special features except for a theatrical trailer, which is ludicrous for something so high-profile.
How did such a gem get relegated to bargain bin status in the first place? Personally, I blame the sequels, which are widely regarded as total shit. I mean, the only way you can get Poltergeist III is if you buy II, so that's a red flag right there. I kinda wish they hadn't released those on DVD at all; maybe then people could forget they existed.
Also, I think the supposed "Poltergeist Curse" has tarnished the movie's reputation somewhat. As most of you know, Heather O'Rourke died at a tender age before filming wrapped on the third movie. Dominique Dunne was murdered shortly after the premiere of the first movie. You can read more about it on Wikipedia if you so desire. I just think it's people being overly superstitious, myself, even though the whole thing freaked me out as a child.
If you made it through this entire post, I love you.
02 September 2007
Retro Wishlist
Today, dudes and dudettes, I present to you my Retro Wishlist. This post will have pictures to look at, since apparently that plays a big role in whether or not people read something.
Anyway, I plan on adding to the Wishlist whenever I happen to think of a new item, so this is just the beginning.
01. Teddy Ruxpin and Grubby
Possibly the coolest toy to come out of the 1980s, Teddy had a cassette player in his back in which you put special tapes. He would tell stories that you could (sort of) read along with in the accompanying books. His eyes and mouth moved along with the sounds, and 20 years ago, that was pretty badass technology.
I got a Teddy Ruxpin for my third birthday in 1986. I was instantly enamored. Teddy became my best friend. Even though he weighed about 50 pounds, I still managed to lug him around with me whenever the opportunity presented itself.
My parents bought me a bunch of the book/tape sets and I played them over and over. They even got him a little red aviator outfit that came with a hat and a vest. And eventually, they even got me his partner in fun: Grubby, a...giant yellow worm-thing called an "octopede" if memory serves me well. If you hooked the two of them up with a special cable they would "interact". More innovative technology. I never really used Grubby that much for whatever dumbass reason.
Anyway, even after this boy I used to play with broke Teddy's lower jaw off, I still loved him. Apparently that jaw thing was a common problem, but I was still pissed off at that kid. Why are little boys so bent on destroying other people's shit?
Over the years, Teddy and Grubby got lost. As soon as I get over my fear of eBay and acquire some cash, I'm probably going to buy Teddy back, hopefully one that doesn't have a broken jaw. I hear talk that they made a new version that uses cartridge thingies instead of tapes, but that just doesn't sound the same to me. Plus, I want to see if you really can make him react to other cassette tapes, because hearing Teddy blare out some 80s hair metal would just be too funny to pass up.
02. Rainbow Brite's Dress
No, I'm not talking some freaky cosplay thing. I mean, I need a dress for my Rainbow Brite doll that I bought at a thrift store last year. Amusingly, she came dressed in some camofluage doll clothes. I hate to just buy another doll, but it might be easier.
Like I've said before, Rainbow Brite was my world when I was little. I had all manner of Sprites, a small Rainbow doll and a plush Starlite.
The Rainbow doll had come all the way to Oklahoma with me when we moved from California in October '85-- I was two, with my third birthday coming in February. She, too, was missing a dress...I guess it got left behind. Anyway, much like Teddy, I carried Rainbow around with me everywhere I went. As a result, I remember her being quite dirty and kind of beat up. But we still had some good times.
I did have the larger Rainbow doll at one point, but it vanished into a black hole somewhere along with virtually everything else I owned back then. So when I saw one for two measly dollars, I snatched it up faster than you can say "I'm 24 and still play with dolls".
Now if I could just find her a damn dress, life would be one step closer to complete.
03. A (Working) RCA Selectavision Player and Discs
I'm pretty sure nobody reading this knows what the hell a RCA Selectavision player is. Well, allow me to enlighten you. It's only one of the coolest pieces of obsolete technology ever! At least, it is to me.
Sometime in the past, some guy thought it would be a good idea to put video on a groove-based medium, such as a vinyl record. RCA developed the technology for years, and wanted to launch in the late 70s, but didn't get the system on the market until sometime around 1981.
Most people call them "videodiscs", but the fancy-schmancy term is Capacitance Electronic Disc. I don't entirely know what that means (I looked it up once but it only confused me more), but it's essentially a type of video record.
Since the discs were quite fragile and would be damaged if touched, RCA developed a special caddy for them to extend their lifespan. So, CEDs are not to be confused with Laserdiscs. They actually looked like a big plastic rectangle. You would insert the caddy into the player, and a quite sophisticated mechanism inside would extract the disc from its protective armor. Snazzy.
Unfortunately, the system came onto the market way too late, because certain other formats were already entrenched in epic combat (that's another story for another time).
The system's major downfall was that you couldn't record onto it, which was a huge factor in the success of home video formats back then. You also couldn't really pause it-- well, you could, but it couldn't freeze frame, it just blanked the screen, which was another inherent flaw that came with it being a grooved medium.
The system was, for all intents and purposes, dead by 1986. VHS reigned over all others as the King of Home Video. Shortly after the demise of Selectavision, RCA was bought out. (The name lives on, but they don't actually develop their own technology anymore as far as I know.)
However, this doesn't mean that Selectavision didn't have its day in the sun. Thousands of titles were available for the system and people actually bought them, even after player production had stopped.
My dad bought one of the players when we still lived in California. I'm guessing sometime in 1984 or so, probably when they were cutting the price way down just to get the players sold. He brought it with him when we moved, and since the format was dying by then, you could get discs pretty damn cheap.
As a result, we had a whole stack of the damn things, including the Star Wars movies, Alien, and a few Rocky movies. We also had what I recently learned is a hard title to find: a disc with two episodes of Rainbow Brite on it. I watched the shit out of that thing even though the disc skipped a lot. Eventually my dad copied it to VHS for me, before the disc totally crapped out.
My dad still had the player and the collection of discs as recently as 2003, but then he GOT RID OF IT. Without asking me if I wanted it first. He said it didn't work anymore, but according to what he said was wrong with it, it probably just needed a new belt and a new stylus. I would have taken good care of that thing. Therefore, one of these days I'm buying another one. I've heard that if you know how to contact them, RCA (or whoever owns them) still has a large inventory of styli stashed away somewhere, probably in a warehouse that looks like the final scene of Raiders of the Lost Ark.
I didn't mean for this to get as long as it did. But there you go.
Afterthought: The singular of "media" is "medium". It took me until now to notice the errors. I'm not an idiot, honestly.
Anyway, I plan on adding to the Wishlist whenever I happen to think of a new item, so this is just the beginning.
01. Teddy Ruxpin and Grubby
Possibly the coolest toy to come out of the 1980s, Teddy had a cassette player in his back in which you put special tapes. He would tell stories that you could (sort of) read along with in the accompanying books. His eyes and mouth moved along with the sounds, and 20 years ago, that was pretty badass technology.
I got a Teddy Ruxpin for my third birthday in 1986. I was instantly enamored. Teddy became my best friend. Even though he weighed about 50 pounds, I still managed to lug him around with me whenever the opportunity presented itself.
My parents bought me a bunch of the book/tape sets and I played them over and over. They even got him a little red aviator outfit that came with a hat and a vest. And eventually, they even got me his partner in fun: Grubby, a...giant yellow worm-thing called an "octopede" if memory serves me well. If you hooked the two of them up with a special cable they would "interact". More innovative technology. I never really used Grubby that much for whatever dumbass reason.
Anyway, even after this boy I used to play with broke Teddy's lower jaw off, I still loved him. Apparently that jaw thing was a common problem, but I was still pissed off at that kid. Why are little boys so bent on destroying other people's shit?
Over the years, Teddy and Grubby got lost. As soon as I get over my fear of eBay and acquire some cash, I'm probably going to buy Teddy back, hopefully one that doesn't have a broken jaw. I hear talk that they made a new version that uses cartridge thingies instead of tapes, but that just doesn't sound the same to me. Plus, I want to see if you really can make him react to other cassette tapes, because hearing Teddy blare out some 80s hair metal would just be too funny to pass up.
02. Rainbow Brite's Dress
No, I'm not talking some freaky cosplay thing. I mean, I need a dress for my Rainbow Brite doll that I bought at a thrift store last year. Amusingly, she came dressed in some camofluage doll clothes. I hate to just buy another doll, but it might be easier.
Like I've said before, Rainbow Brite was my world when I was little. I had all manner of Sprites, a small Rainbow doll and a plush Starlite.
The Rainbow doll had come all the way to Oklahoma with me when we moved from California in October '85-- I was two, with my third birthday coming in February. She, too, was missing a dress...I guess it got left behind. Anyway, much like Teddy, I carried Rainbow around with me everywhere I went. As a result, I remember her being quite dirty and kind of beat up. But we still had some good times.
I did have the larger Rainbow doll at one point, but it vanished into a black hole somewhere along with virtually everything else I owned back then. So when I saw one for two measly dollars, I snatched it up faster than you can say "I'm 24 and still play with dolls".
Now if I could just find her a damn dress, life would be one step closer to complete.
03. A (Working) RCA Selectavision Player and Discs
I'm pretty sure nobody reading this knows what the hell a RCA Selectavision player is. Well, allow me to enlighten you. It's only one of the coolest pieces of obsolete technology ever! At least, it is to me.
Sometime in the past, some guy thought it would be a good idea to put video on a groove-based medium, such as a vinyl record. RCA developed the technology for years, and wanted to launch in the late 70s, but didn't get the system on the market until sometime around 1981.
Most people call them "videodiscs", but the fancy-schmancy term is Capacitance Electronic Disc. I don't entirely know what that means (I looked it up once but it only confused me more), but it's essentially a type of video record.
Since the discs were quite fragile and would be damaged if touched, RCA developed a special caddy for them to extend their lifespan. So, CEDs are not to be confused with Laserdiscs. They actually looked like a big plastic rectangle. You would insert the caddy into the player, and a quite sophisticated mechanism inside would extract the disc from its protective armor. Snazzy.
Unfortunately, the system came onto the market way too late, because certain other formats were already entrenched in epic combat (that's another story for another time).
The system's major downfall was that you couldn't record onto it, which was a huge factor in the success of home video formats back then. You also couldn't really pause it-- well, you could, but it couldn't freeze frame, it just blanked the screen, which was another inherent flaw that came with it being a grooved medium.
The system was, for all intents and purposes, dead by 1986. VHS reigned over all others as the King of Home Video. Shortly after the demise of Selectavision, RCA was bought out. (The name lives on, but they don't actually develop their own technology anymore as far as I know.)
However, this doesn't mean that Selectavision didn't have its day in the sun. Thousands of titles were available for the system and people actually bought them, even after player production had stopped.
My dad bought one of the players when we still lived in California. I'm guessing sometime in 1984 or so, probably when they were cutting the price way down just to get the players sold. He brought it with him when we moved, and since the format was dying by then, you could get discs pretty damn cheap.
As a result, we had a whole stack of the damn things, including the Star Wars movies, Alien, and a few Rocky movies. We also had what I recently learned is a hard title to find: a disc with two episodes of Rainbow Brite on it. I watched the shit out of that thing even though the disc skipped a lot. Eventually my dad copied it to VHS for me, before the disc totally crapped out.
My dad still had the player and the collection of discs as recently as 2003, but then he GOT RID OF IT. Without asking me if I wanted it first. He said it didn't work anymore, but according to what he said was wrong with it, it probably just needed a new belt and a new stylus. I would have taken good care of that thing. Therefore, one of these days I'm buying another one. I've heard that if you know how to contact them, RCA (or whoever owns them) still has a large inventory of styli stashed away somewhere, probably in a warehouse that looks like the final scene of Raiders of the Lost Ark.
I didn't mean for this to get as long as it did. But there you go.
Afterthought: The singular of "media" is "medium". It took me until now to notice the errors. I'm not an idiot, honestly.
06 August 2007
The Retroplex: Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealer (1985)
Alright, time for our first trip to The Retroplex! You know, "multiplex"? Theatre? Retro movie reviews?
...I told you I was bad at naming things.
After weeks and weeks of thinking about writing a review, trying to decide which movie to review first, and generally being very distracted, I finally got around to doing this. So sit down, get some popcorn, shut up, and enjoy the show.
I'm kicking things off with Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealer. Why? Because Rainbow Brite was the show of my childhood. Back when I was four years old, I loved her and all her little fuzzy Sprite friends, even her stuck-up, conceited horse. I wanted to be her, and often pretended that I was.
I actually didn't see this movie until sometime in the early 90s, long after it was released theatrically in 1985. I didn't even know it existed until I found it at the local mom-and-pop video store. I probably rented it seventeen times until one happy day when the Disney Channel aired it and my dad got it on tape for me.
I'm pretty surprised that the movie got a DVD release at all, but it did, and I got it. I hear it's become something of a rare commodity now, though, so I kinda wish I'd have bought two of them.
So, how does the movie stand the test of time? Well...let's get this show on the road and find out, shall we?
Here's the lowdown on the plot, such as it is:
Earth is in danger. Spectra, the diamond planet through which all light in the universe must pass, is being covered up by the spoiled, selfish Princess, who wants the giant gem all to herself. If Rainbow Brite doesn't stop her (and Murky Dismal, who's also after Spectra), Earth will be plunged into a second ice age.
Sounds pretty damn ridiculous, doesn't it? Of course it does. Moving right along.
The writers said to themselves, "What's the best way to kick off the action?" Some jerk said, "I know! A great big musical number!" Maybe they should have fired that guy, because that was a very bad idea. The movie drags on for a while as the Color Kids and Starlite (the self-proclaimed Most Magnificent Horse In the Universe) sing about the coming of spring and how they have sooo much work to do. I'm not sure how singing a sucky song is gonna get all that work done, but okay.
Thankfully, that's the only number we have to sit through, and otherwise the music is alright, especially the end credits song, which I'll talk about later.
So, spring has come, la dee da. Along with it comes something interesting (at last!). On her way down to Earth, Rainbow butts heads with Stormy, who-- surprise --is in charge of winter and storms and whatnot. Honestly, I think she should have had a larger role in the movie because she's spunky and looks like a little 80s rock star. She would have spiced up things a little bit. Not to mention the fact that her horse, Skydancer, is badass. Not only does he look awesome, he can shoot lightning bolts from his hooves and spew ice out of his snout. I bet Rainbow is jealous as hell. All she gets is a horse who can't even fly and who's always giving people lip. Have I mentioned that I don't really like Starlite?
Anyway, Rainbow goes down to Earth to work her magic. She tries, and nothing happens. Twink suggests that maybe the star sprinkles are tired from the winter, but everybody knows that little furball is on crack, so they don't pay him any mind. By the way, Brian's there too, but I don't know why he's even in the movie, because he's pretty much useless.
So it's back to Rainbow Land to find out what the hell's going on. A super cool robot horse named On-X shows up to find Rainbow Brite and tells her that Spectra is in danger. Rainbow puts two and two together and decides to take Starlite and go with On-X to Spectra. Lucky for us, none of those damn annoying Color Kids come with her.
Elsewhere, Murky overhears the conversation. His ears perk up at the realization that it's a giant freaking diamond, and he goes off to build a very hilarious rocketship to go on his own trip to Spectra, dragging Lurky along. Unfortunately, they don't really do anything important and are mostly around for comic relief.
As an aside, I'd like to add that Peter Cullen, the man responsible for giving the iconic Optimus Prime his voice, also does the voice of Murky. Hard to believe, ain't it?
Prepare to roll your eyes: Rainbow and Starlite travel through outer frigging space on a rainbow, with no protection of any kind whatsoever. I'd like to see anyone over the age of ten suspend their disbelief on that one.
Here we are on Spectra, which ain't looking so shiny at the moment. The Spectrans, who look suspiciously like Sprites, are being enslaved by big golden robots, amusingly dubbed "Glitterbots". I guess they put all these robots and stuff in to try to appeal to any little boys who might have been forced to watch this movie because their sisters wanted to see it. Anyway, the Spectrans have been hypnotized into covering the planet with a net-like thing. I know, I know, just stay with me.
On-X starts going on and on about Orin, the one who sent him after Rainbow Brite. Orin is nowhere to be found, though, and they're being chased by Glitterbots. Cue some action-type stuff.
Fortunately for Rainbow and company, the Glitterbots are mostly retarded. Our heroine and the horses escape, and-- quite literally --drop in on a red-headed kid named Krys. Thank God they did, because it would have been pretty damn boring if Rainbow and Starlite had been the only protagonists in this thing. Only thing is, Krys is kind of a sexist jerk. But hey, that makes things more entertaining, right? Yes, it does.
Also, here's some more voice actor trivia for you: the kid that does Krys' voice is also the voice of Daniel Witwicky in Transformers: The Movie, which came out the following year. The girl that plays Stormy is his sister. Yeah, I pay attention to voice actors. Blame anime for that.
Anyway, we get no background on Krys. We don't know where he came from, what he's doing on Spectra, or why he has those puffy sleeves that look exactly like Rainbow's. It would have been nice to get even just a little bit of backstory on him, but I guess they figure little kids don't care about character depth. Truth is, they probably don't.
So, Krys tells Rainbow Brite that the Princess is responsible for all this foolishness. She's "wrapping the planet up like a birthday present" because she's planning on taking it for herself. And no, she doesn't have a name. She's just "the Princess". Frickin' lazy writers.
Obviously, Rainbow and Krys have to go try to stop her. Well, they're in for a real treat. The Princess is totally batshit, but at least she has a cool character design.
Krys and Rainbow try to talk some sense into her, to no avail. Not only does the crazy bitch still want to somehow rein in the biggest diamond in the universe, but then she takes Rainbow's magic belt and throws them both in the dungeon. Why does she want the belt? Because she thinks it'll look good with her red dress. Not because it shoots out rainbows or anything. I, personally, find this hilarious. Also, it'd probably look better with a black dress, but I digress.
Now it's up to Starlite and On-X to get the belt back and save their friends. This is surprisingly entertaining to watch. What's funny is, they actually succeed. Only in an 80s cartoon, folks.
However, the Princess uses her own magic to suck Krys and Rainbow into a pink vortex thing, sending them rocketing through space to some unnamed planet where the Princess apparently keeps all her prisoners.
Thanks to On-X, they bust out of their cell and finally find wise old Orin, who turns out to be one of those little Spectran Sprite guys. For some reason, he has star sprinkles. He also gives Krys a weapon, which is activated by Rainbow's power. What's the connection here? It's never explained. Being a person with an overactive imagination, I have my own theories, but I'll spare you.
Anyway, Krys kicks some ass with his new prism thingy, and Orin explains to them that they must go back and stop the Princess for good. He says, "Be brave, be bold, and don't fight with each other!" Of course, since he told them not to fight, they've gotta. Damn kids.
Time for the final showdown. I know I haven't mentioned Murky and Lurky much, but that's because they're mostly extraneous until right about now. Rainbow and Krys challenge the Princess and they're getting their asses handed to them until Murky crashes his rocketship into the middle of the scene. That's their opening, and together, they destroy the Princess' magic jewel. And in true cartoon fashion, her palace and all her Glitterbots crumble to pieces.
Needless to say, the Princess is fucking pissed. She jumps into her spaceship, which was meant to grab onto the net around Spectra and pull it, which is pretty much the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Crazier than ever, she declares, "If I can't have that diamond, no one's going to have it!" Then everybody suddenly acts like Spectra is made of glass and not diamonds, fearing that the ship will crash and shatter the planet, when actually, the ship would probably just be obliterated on impact. But shhh, kids don't know that stuff.
Just as the Princess is about to crash, she's bounced off by the power of the rainbow, and promptly becomes sparkly space dust. Spectra is all shiny again, spring comes to Earth in an instant, Murky and Lurky are lost in space, Krys finally decides Rainbow is okay-- for a girl. All is well with the universe. Roll credits.
Speaking of the credits, they play this synthalicious tune called "Rainbow Brite and Me". I was totally obsessed with this song when I was a little kid. Even now, it's a guilty pleasure. I still think it's catchy as hell and...probably the best part of the whole movie. Too bad the opening number couldn't have been as fun as this.
Overall, I have mixed feelings about this movie. The adult in me knows it's ridiculous in a lot of ways, likes to make fun of it, and is embarrassed to be seen watching it. But the four-year-old in me still thinks it's the coolest thing in the world, and probably always will.
It's good clean fun for little girls (and maybe little boys), which is fine, because that was their target audience anyway. And it certainly could have been a whole lot worse. For a girl's movie, it's not as sappy and flowery as you'd think. There's plenty of action, and lots of dark scenery and atmosphere.
It also has some good messages: girls can kick just as much ass as boys can; being a greedy psycho-bitch who is totally devoid of rational thought is a very bad thing.
The animation is definitely better than TV quality, but it's not quite of the quality you'd expect from a theatrical release. If Rainbow Brite really did generate a billion dollars in retail sales, the least they could have done was give the movie a bigger animation budget. So, while not an eyesore by any means, it looks kind of dated.
The reason why I still have a special place in my heart for Rainbow Brite is not just due to nostalgia, but because it has some serious potential to be something that's actually good. I mean, it's like an American magical girl series. Now that's something I'd pay to see: a re-imagining of the Rainbow Brite universe.
I never thought I'd hear myself say that.
...I told you I was bad at naming things.
After weeks and weeks of thinking about writing a review, trying to decide which movie to review first, and generally being very distracted, I finally got around to doing this. So sit down, get some popcorn, shut up, and enjoy the show.
I'm kicking things off with Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealer. Why? Because Rainbow Brite was the show of my childhood. Back when I was four years old, I loved her and all her little fuzzy Sprite friends, even her stuck-up, conceited horse. I wanted to be her, and often pretended that I was.
I actually didn't see this movie until sometime in the early 90s, long after it was released theatrically in 1985. I didn't even know it existed until I found it at the local mom-and-pop video store. I probably rented it seventeen times until one happy day when the Disney Channel aired it and my dad got it on tape for me.
I'm pretty surprised that the movie got a DVD release at all, but it did, and I got it. I hear it's become something of a rare commodity now, though, so I kinda wish I'd have bought two of them.
So, how does the movie stand the test of time? Well...let's get this show on the road and find out, shall we?
Here's the lowdown on the plot, such as it is:
Earth is in danger. Spectra, the diamond planet through which all light in the universe must pass, is being covered up by the spoiled, selfish Princess, who wants the giant gem all to herself. If Rainbow Brite doesn't stop her (and Murky Dismal, who's also after Spectra), Earth will be plunged into a second ice age.
Sounds pretty damn ridiculous, doesn't it? Of course it does. Moving right along.
The writers said to themselves, "What's the best way to kick off the action?" Some jerk said, "I know! A great big musical number!" Maybe they should have fired that guy, because that was a very bad idea. The movie drags on for a while as the Color Kids and Starlite (the self-proclaimed Most Magnificent Horse In the Universe) sing about the coming of spring and how they have sooo much work to do. I'm not sure how singing a sucky song is gonna get all that work done, but okay.
Thankfully, that's the only number we have to sit through, and otherwise the music is alright, especially the end credits song, which I'll talk about later.
So, spring has come, la dee da. Along with it comes something interesting (at last!). On her way down to Earth, Rainbow butts heads with Stormy, who-- surprise --is in charge of winter and storms and whatnot. Honestly, I think she should have had a larger role in the movie because she's spunky and looks like a little 80s rock star. She would have spiced up things a little bit. Not to mention the fact that her horse, Skydancer, is badass. Not only does he look awesome, he can shoot lightning bolts from his hooves and spew ice out of his snout. I bet Rainbow is jealous as hell. All she gets is a horse who can't even fly and who's always giving people lip. Have I mentioned that I don't really like Starlite?
Anyway, Rainbow goes down to Earth to work her magic. She tries, and nothing happens. Twink suggests that maybe the star sprinkles are tired from the winter, but everybody knows that little furball is on crack, so they don't pay him any mind. By the way, Brian's there too, but I don't know why he's even in the movie, because he's pretty much useless.
So it's back to Rainbow Land to find out what the hell's going on. A super cool robot horse named On-X shows up to find Rainbow Brite and tells her that Spectra is in danger. Rainbow puts two and two together and decides to take Starlite and go with On-X to Spectra. Lucky for us, none of those damn annoying Color Kids come with her.
Elsewhere, Murky overhears the conversation. His ears perk up at the realization that it's a giant freaking diamond, and he goes off to build a very hilarious rocketship to go on his own trip to Spectra, dragging Lurky along. Unfortunately, they don't really do anything important and are mostly around for comic relief.
As an aside, I'd like to add that Peter Cullen, the man responsible for giving the iconic Optimus Prime his voice, also does the voice of Murky. Hard to believe, ain't it?
Prepare to roll your eyes: Rainbow and Starlite travel through outer frigging space on a rainbow, with no protection of any kind whatsoever. I'd like to see anyone over the age of ten suspend their disbelief on that one.
Here we are on Spectra, which ain't looking so shiny at the moment. The Spectrans, who look suspiciously like Sprites, are being enslaved by big golden robots, amusingly dubbed "Glitterbots". I guess they put all these robots and stuff in to try to appeal to any little boys who might have been forced to watch this movie because their sisters wanted to see it. Anyway, the Spectrans have been hypnotized into covering the planet with a net-like thing. I know, I know, just stay with me.
On-X starts going on and on about Orin, the one who sent him after Rainbow Brite. Orin is nowhere to be found, though, and they're being chased by Glitterbots. Cue some action-type stuff.
Fortunately for Rainbow and company, the Glitterbots are mostly retarded. Our heroine and the horses escape, and-- quite literally --drop in on a red-headed kid named Krys. Thank God they did, because it would have been pretty damn boring if Rainbow and Starlite had been the only protagonists in this thing. Only thing is, Krys is kind of a sexist jerk. But hey, that makes things more entertaining, right? Yes, it does.
Also, here's some more voice actor trivia for you: the kid that does Krys' voice is also the voice of Daniel Witwicky in Transformers: The Movie, which came out the following year. The girl that plays Stormy is his sister. Yeah, I pay attention to voice actors. Blame anime for that.
Anyway, we get no background on Krys. We don't know where he came from, what he's doing on Spectra, or why he has those puffy sleeves that look exactly like Rainbow's. It would have been nice to get even just a little bit of backstory on him, but I guess they figure little kids don't care about character depth. Truth is, they probably don't.
So, Krys tells Rainbow Brite that the Princess is responsible for all this foolishness. She's "wrapping the planet up like a birthday present" because she's planning on taking it for herself. And no, she doesn't have a name. She's just "the Princess". Frickin' lazy writers.
Obviously, Rainbow and Krys have to go try to stop her. Well, they're in for a real treat. The Princess is totally batshit, but at least she has a cool character design.
Krys and Rainbow try to talk some sense into her, to no avail. Not only does the crazy bitch still want to somehow rein in the biggest diamond in the universe, but then she takes Rainbow's magic belt and throws them both in the dungeon. Why does she want the belt? Because she thinks it'll look good with her red dress. Not because it shoots out rainbows or anything. I, personally, find this hilarious. Also, it'd probably look better with a black dress, but I digress.
Now it's up to Starlite and On-X to get the belt back and save their friends. This is surprisingly entertaining to watch. What's funny is, they actually succeed. Only in an 80s cartoon, folks.
However, the Princess uses her own magic to suck Krys and Rainbow into a pink vortex thing, sending them rocketing through space to some unnamed planet where the Princess apparently keeps all her prisoners.
Thanks to On-X, they bust out of their cell and finally find wise old Orin, who turns out to be one of those little Spectran Sprite guys. For some reason, he has star sprinkles. He also gives Krys a weapon, which is activated by Rainbow's power. What's the connection here? It's never explained. Being a person with an overactive imagination, I have my own theories, but I'll spare you.
Anyway, Krys kicks some ass with his new prism thingy, and Orin explains to them that they must go back and stop the Princess for good. He says, "Be brave, be bold, and don't fight with each other!" Of course, since he told them not to fight, they've gotta. Damn kids.
Time for the final showdown. I know I haven't mentioned Murky and Lurky much, but that's because they're mostly extraneous until right about now. Rainbow and Krys challenge the Princess and they're getting their asses handed to them until Murky crashes his rocketship into the middle of the scene. That's their opening, and together, they destroy the Princess' magic jewel. And in true cartoon fashion, her palace and all her Glitterbots crumble to pieces.
Needless to say, the Princess is fucking pissed. She jumps into her spaceship, which was meant to grab onto the net around Spectra and pull it, which is pretty much the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Crazier than ever, she declares, "If I can't have that diamond, no one's going to have it!" Then everybody suddenly acts like Spectra is made of glass and not diamonds, fearing that the ship will crash and shatter the planet, when actually, the ship would probably just be obliterated on impact. But shhh, kids don't know that stuff.
Just as the Princess is about to crash, she's bounced off by the power of the rainbow, and promptly becomes sparkly space dust. Spectra is all shiny again, spring comes to Earth in an instant, Murky and Lurky are lost in space, Krys finally decides Rainbow is okay-- for a girl. All is well with the universe. Roll credits.
Speaking of the credits, they play this synthalicious tune called "Rainbow Brite and Me". I was totally obsessed with this song when I was a little kid. Even now, it's a guilty pleasure. I still think it's catchy as hell and...probably the best part of the whole movie. Too bad the opening number couldn't have been as fun as this.
Overall, I have mixed feelings about this movie. The adult in me knows it's ridiculous in a lot of ways, likes to make fun of it, and is embarrassed to be seen watching it. But the four-year-old in me still thinks it's the coolest thing in the world, and probably always will.
It's good clean fun for little girls (and maybe little boys), which is fine, because that was their target audience anyway. And it certainly could have been a whole lot worse. For a girl's movie, it's not as sappy and flowery as you'd think. There's plenty of action, and lots of dark scenery and atmosphere.
It also has some good messages: girls can kick just as much ass as boys can; being a greedy psycho-bitch who is totally devoid of rational thought is a very bad thing.
The animation is definitely better than TV quality, but it's not quite of the quality you'd expect from a theatrical release. If Rainbow Brite really did generate a billion dollars in retail sales, the least they could have done was give the movie a bigger animation budget. So, while not an eyesore by any means, it looks kind of dated.
The reason why I still have a special place in my heart for Rainbow Brite is not just due to nostalgia, but because it has some serious potential to be something that's actually good. I mean, it's like an American magical girl series. Now that's something I'd pay to see: a re-imagining of the Rainbow Brite universe.
I never thought I'd hear myself say that.
24 July 2007
An itinerary of sorts.
Okay, I know, I haven't got any actual content just yet.
What's my excuse? Life. It has a tendency to get in the way, doing anything and everything it can to stop me from writing. I'll never be a novelist at this rate.
Well, enough of that crap. I'll tell ya what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna share some of the things I'm putting on the agenda. That's not to say this is a fixed schedule of any kind, though, so if I don't end up doing Mayonnaise Taco Mondays, don't be disappointed.
- Retro movie reviews. I've already got a long list of titles that I want to write about, but I'm going to keep you, dear readers, in the dark for now. Suffice to say, we'll be spending a lot of time in the 80s on this one and I'll be making a lot of trips to the video store.
- Retro remakes. That is to say, I'd be comparing all these recent remakes with their older counterparts to see how they match up. I might concoct some unnecessarily complicated system for doing this, but I wouldn't count on it.
- Theme days/weeks/whatever. I'm not entirely sure how I'm going to do this, but I think I'm up to the challenge. Anybody remember Block Party Summer on Nick at Nite? Think something along those lines, only with no annoying commercials! Unless it's Old Commercial Week. Then you're SOL.
- Reader requests. This one is probably going to be a long time coming because I...kinda need some readers first. But here's how it'll work: you comment on an entry or e-mail me, asking me to write about something retro, and I'll do my best to write something halfway entertaining about it. It can be movies, toys, games, clothes, whatever. Maybe if I like you enough, I'll fill non-retro requests (i.e. things after 1998 or thereabouts).
- Rants. I have a lot of retro-related things to rant about, and by gum, I'm gonna. At some point.
Anyway, most of this stuff isn't carved into stone. It's more like...hastily scrawled into the sand with a stick. I have a lot of other stuff in the works, but I don't want to spoil it all.
Questions/suggestions? Call 1-800-LEAVE-A-COMMENT.
What's my excuse? Life. It has a tendency to get in the way, doing anything and everything it can to stop me from writing. I'll never be a novelist at this rate.
Well, enough of that crap. I'll tell ya what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna share some of the things I'm putting on the agenda. That's not to say this is a fixed schedule of any kind, though, so if I don't end up doing Mayonnaise Taco Mondays, don't be disappointed.
- Retro movie reviews. I've already got a long list of titles that I want to write about, but I'm going to keep you, dear readers, in the dark for now. Suffice to say, we'll be spending a lot of time in the 80s on this one and I'll be making a lot of trips to the video store.
- Retro remakes. That is to say, I'd be comparing all these recent remakes with their older counterparts to see how they match up. I might concoct some unnecessarily complicated system for doing this, but I wouldn't count on it.
- Theme days/weeks/whatever. I'm not entirely sure how I'm going to do this, but I think I'm up to the challenge. Anybody remember Block Party Summer on Nick at Nite? Think something along those lines, only with no annoying commercials! Unless it's Old Commercial Week. Then you're SOL.
- Reader requests. This one is probably going to be a long time coming because I...kinda need some readers first. But here's how it'll work: you comment on an entry or e-mail me, asking me to write about something retro, and I'll do my best to write something halfway entertaining about it. It can be movies, toys, games, clothes, whatever. Maybe if I like you enough, I'll fill non-retro requests (i.e. things after 1998 or thereabouts).
- Rants. I have a lot of retro-related things to rant about, and by gum, I'm gonna. At some point.
Anyway, most of this stuff isn't carved into stone. It's more like...hastily scrawled into the sand with a stick. I have a lot of other stuff in the works, but I don't want to spoil it all.
Questions/suggestions? Call 1-800-LEAVE-A-COMMENT.
18 July 2007
Obligatory first post!
Hello and welcome! I'm Annette, and I'll be your hostess. Here at Retro Party, I'll be offering up my odd ramblings about old-school pop culture, plus more. We're gonna kick it like it's 1985. Or 1977. Or 1992. So pull off your shoes and come on in, if you feel so inclined. The party's just getting started. ;]
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